were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
