he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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