So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
