So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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