I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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