the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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