You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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