Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
