Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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