Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
