what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
