I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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