That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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