so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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