Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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