Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
