Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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