I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
