NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Of course I have a pirate flag
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
