So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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