she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
