It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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