Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
