their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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