Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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