Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think i have two assholes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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