called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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