Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
