Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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