You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize