i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
