Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
