I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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