Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
