bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
