Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
