Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
