Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
