was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
