I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
