Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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