i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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