just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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