wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
