She's JV to your varsity
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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