ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize