i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
