i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
