Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well I just put wine in my tea
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
