I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so let's talk penis.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize