Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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