life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
