she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
