He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
