On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
