no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
