I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize