I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
FUCK WHALES
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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