You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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