Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
