Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
