Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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