I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
