Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize