She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
