the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize