there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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