5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
