the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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