So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
whose ass print is on the piano?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Randomize