Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
