My room smells like vodka and shame
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize