see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
