70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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