Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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