its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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