Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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