The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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