The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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