3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
