I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
