my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
