Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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