I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
