I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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