I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
