I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
