wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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