somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
