and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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