Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
