So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
