If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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