we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
