we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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