Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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