Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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