I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
