Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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