did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
